


ropes and blindfolds

by autistic_nightfury



Series: things i keep on the shelf of my heart [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Aged-Up Character(s), BDSM as a coping mechanism, Childhood Trauma, Daddy Issues, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Knives, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Self-Bondage, Self-Hatred, Violent Thoughts, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 23:06:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18417764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autistic_nightfury/pseuds/autistic_nightfury
Summary: “Why is there a knife in your toy box, baby?”





	ropes and blindfolds

**Author's Note:**

> additional warnings: woojin's fucked up thoughts at two points, ppl talking shit about age regressors, talking about knives??? only mentions of self harm, no scenes with it.
> 
> this is softer than either of the two previous ones. if you havent read those, this wont really make sense?? go read those before this one

Chan couldn’t tell him.

It had gone seven weeks and he couldn’t tell him that he had a deep seated need to be hurt. Him, his wonderful amazing boyfriend, his Woojin, Dad-

He couldn’t handle the thought of losing him.

 

There was a new knife in the apartment.

Woojin wasn’t sure where it came from. It was bright, those oil-slick-on-water type of colours, and it sat comfortably in his hand when he picked it up.

“Oh, you found my knife.” Chan said from behind him, wrapping his arms around his soft waist.

“And why did you buy a knife?” He felt Chan shrug against his back.

“It’s pretty, don’t you think?” Woojin frowned, but held it up in the light; it was really pretty, and it felt nice to hold it. Maybe too nice.

“Can I tell you what I’m thinking right now?” Chan hummed, nodding against his shoulder.

“Go ahead bear.”

“I want to carve my name into your back with this.” He said quietly, and he heard Chan’s breath hitch.

“Shit.” He put the knife back down and spun around, looking at his boyfriend in worry.

“I’m sorry, was that triggering? I-” Chan shook his head, hugging him tighter.

“No I just… I’m fine.” Woojin frowned again, gently caressing his cheek; Chan looked distant in the eyes.

“You sure?” Chan nodded and smiled weakly at him.

“I’m fine, promise. I gotta go get changed, ‘cause I promised Jeongin I could hang out today. I love you Dad.” Woojin pulled him in for a kiss, and when Chan got ranted at for being twenty minutes late because he pressed Woojin down on the floor to ride him senseless, he told Jeongin the bus got stuck in traffic.

 

“How do you want to celebrate your birthday next week hyung?” Seungmin asked between bites of rice, and the older huffed.

“I don’t.” Jeongin and Seungmin groaned, the former leaning forward to poke Chan on the cheek.

“C’mon, can we atleast do something?” Seungmin tried again, but Chan just shoved more of his sandwich into his mouth.

“I don’t care what you say, I’m still getting you a gift.” Jeongin muttered. Chan just rolled his eyes.

“Whatever.”

 

Woojin was restocking pencils and erasers when Felix came and tapped him on the shoulder; the older looked up as he pushed his silver hair away from his forehead.

“Minho is hosting a party this weekend and was wondering if you wanted to come. You can bring Chan too.” Woojin sighed, going back to putting coloured pencils in their slots.

“I’ll see if he wants to.” Felix crouched down next to him, occupying his hands with putting the packs of animal shaped erasers on the shelf.

“It won’t be that big, just a few of his co workers and his little brother’s friends. Jisung will be there.”

“Okay. Are you only asking me along since Hyunjin is coming?” Felix flushed, mumbling about rude friends before leaving Woojin with the restocking.

 

Chan finally found one, in a small, hidden away, second hand store.

“Will that be all today sir?” The cashier asked with a small fake smile, and he nodded as he put the knife on the counter.

 

“Chan? Dad’s home!” Woojin shouted after he closed the door around him. He bent down to take off his shoes, smiling to himself when he heard soft footsteps coming closer.

“Hi Daddy.” He looked up, and then his mouth dropped open in shock; Chan was wearing an extremely oversized, sky blue hoodie, and his previously brown hair was close to platinum blonde.

“Where did you get that done baby?” He asked, standing up to pull his boyfriend close. Chan pushed off his jacket, letting it drop down on the floor.

“My friend is a hairdresser.” Woojin smiled, running a hand over the soft curls.

“They’re very good.” Chan giggled, grabbing his hand and pulling it down and placing it on his ass.

“I’ve been waiting for you since I came home Dad. Missed you.” He said, pressing his body against Woojin’s. He put his sweater paw covered palms on Woojin’s shoulders, and the older smiled, catching him when he jumped up. His hands rubbed the smooth skin of Chan’s quads, and he happily accepted the small pecks on his lips.

“Any particular reason why you missed me?” He asked as he walked into the kitchen, setting his boyfriend down on the counter. Chan giggled again, hand coming up to cover his face.

“‘Cause I love you, and I bought something for you and I wanted to give it to you.” He stuck his hand into the hoodie pocket and pulled out something wrapped in a bandanna.

“You bought something for me?” Woojin asked, grabbing the item and pulling off the bandanna; his breath stopped, as he stared down at the large, dull knife in his hands.

“It’s pretty isn’t it!” Woojin nodded, his finger running along the intricately carved bone handle.

“It’s beautiful. Kinda sad that it’s not sharp though.” Chan shrugged cutely.

“Maybe you could sharpen it. It could be a nice decoration too.” Woojin nodded, putting it down on the counter to fit himself between Chan’s thighs. They were milky, scattered with healed and half healed scars, pink and red lines that made the skin more sensitive.

“I love that hoodie on you, baby looks so cuddly.” Chan smiled, cupping Woojin’s face and pulling him in for a kiss. He tasted like raspberries and vanilla, and Woojin sighed through his nose, licking softly at Chan’s lips.

He slid his hands along his thighs, careful to avoid the healing cuts, and ran them slowly upwards; he stopped when he reached Chan’s hips. Chan’s bare hips.

“You finally noticed.” Chan whispered against his lips.

“Why aren’t you wearing underwear baby?” He asked, nuzzling his nose against the younger’s cheek.

“Didn’ wanna.” Woojin smiled, kissing his earlobe.

“Cute.”

 

Having to sit through your classmates discussing why people like you are dangerous freaks was hard. It was even harder when those same classmates continued the discussion outside the classroom.

“It’s like that weird Daddy thing, isn’t it? Some girls call their boyfriends that during sex.” Chan tried to drown them out, but Seungmin wasn’t in a very talkative mood. So he just stabbed at his wilted salad and kept his eyes trained on his bottle of apple juice.

“Yeah, it’s because they didn’t get enough love from their fathers, isn’t that common knowledge?” Seungmin sighed, throwing a glare at the group of people talking at the table next to them.

“Can they just shut the hell up? It’s like they didn’t even listen to what age regression actually is.” Chan sighed too, dropping his fork to shove his face into his palms.

They had brought up age regression during the Psychology lecture before lunch, and while Seungmin and most of the other students had been various degrees of genuinely interested, some had openly mocked the mere concept of it.

“You said something four eyes?” The tallest guy at the table said, standing up with his fists curled. Chan stood up too, looking him straight in the eye with the deadliest gaze he could muster.

“You want something with Seungmin?” The other guy faltered, flipping the two off before sitting back down again.

 

Woojin didn’t know what to think or do about the large box he had found sloppily hidden in his closet. It was obviously Chan’s, judging by his signature doodle of a worm like creature on the lid. When he had lifted it up the contents had rolled around, and the noise was distinctly something plastic and metal knocking together.

“Baby? Are you in the kitchen?” He yelled out, and then Chan poked his head in, eyes widening when he saw his box in Woojin’s hands.

“Where did you find that, bear?” He asked as he stepped in, grabbing the box and holding it against his stomach.

“It was in my closet. It’s yours, right?” Chan nodded, lifiting the lid up and peaking in.

“It’s my toys.” Woojin quirked up an eyebrow, and his boyfriend giggled, taking the lid off completely and displaying the contents proudly.

When Chan said toys, Woojin had not expected handcuffs, a bundle of red rope, a wad of zip ties, a blindfold… a knife? He grabbed the younger by the biceps, worriedly searching his face for answers.

“Why is there a knife in your toy box, baby?” Chan blinked, and then realization seemed to dawn on him, because he put the box down on the floor and wrapped himself around Woojin.

“It’s for the zip ties, to cut them off. Nothing else, I promise Daddy.” Woojin nodded, picking Chan up and hugging him tighter.

 

Handcuffing himself to the bed with his hands behind his back, a blindfold on and a ballgag in his mouth had been a good idea, but of course Chan just had to drop the keys. He shifted around on his knees, shoulders tense from being stuck in the same position for half an hour.

“Chan?” He felt relief wash over him when he heard Woojin’s voice, and he cried out for help as best as he could around the ballgag. He heard the hurried footsteps coming closer, stopping as they reached the bedroom. He whimpered pathetically, and then the blindfold was ripped from his eyes and he was cradled in Woojin’s strong arms.

He whined, and let out a choked sob in relief when the ballgag was removed from his mouth.

“Th-the handcuffs…” Woojin quickly found the keys and freed him from his restraints.

“Baby, why did you do that?” He worried as he pulled Chan into his lap, careful with his wrists that had been rubbed raw by the handcuffs.

Chan just buried his head in Woojin’s chest and cried; he wasn’t sad, just overwhelmed and relieved. Woojin cooed over him, stroking his hair and rocked him back and forth.

He had realized how calm he felt when he last had tied himself up with zip ties, and since he had just gotten a pair of handcuffs he thought he could try it with them instead. And it worked; he had been able to relax, shut his mind off and just float. The ballgag and the blindfold just heightened his experience. But then he had dropped the keys, and in his restrained position he hadn’t been able to pick them up again. So he had to wait until Woojin came home; the first ten minutes had been okay, but after twenty minutes he had been shaking, tears soaking his blindfold. His jaw hurt from biting down on the ball, and he was on the verge of a panic attack when Woojin finally came home.

“It helped, but… But I probably shouldn’t do it alone, huh.” He mumbled, rubbing at his eyes with curled up fists. Woojin sighed, shifting them around so he was leaning against the side of the bed.

“If you wanna tie yourself up you should tell me, so I can make sure you don’t get hurt.” Chan nodded, stretching out his sore limbs with a groan.

“But you don’t think it’s weird?” He asked, eyes trained on his shaky knees; Woojin lifted his chin and nuzzled their noses together.

“I literally thought about peeling my own skin off today, I don’t think I can tell you what’s weird.” He pecked Chan on the tip of his nose, who smiled softly and cuddled harder into him.

 

Life with Chan was difficult sometimes, and if he had locked himself in the bathroom in the middle of the night to cry once or twice, his boyfriend didn’t need to know. Because every time he could hear Chan laugh, or see him smile brightly, it was worth it, every damn tear he had ever shed.

 

Woojin made life worth living for Chan, because he helped him see the good in the world; the way pancakes tasted when someone made them with love, the way the sun shone through window during sunrise, the way to make love and not just lie there passively during sex. He had shown him how to thrive, not just survive.

**Author's Note:**

> this was especially nice for me to write
> 
> hey y'all, i made a nsfw twitter? i dont really know what im doing with it but its fun so far, i'm @/toothywoochan, and my curiouscat is in my profile, under the same name


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